How to Talk with your Child about Sexuality

We live in a very sexual world.  There are messages about sex all around us - on the Internet, TV, radio.  People talk about it in locker rooms, at the mall, and in our own homes. And our kids hear it all.

But our kids don't get that much useful information from all this talk. 

We want our kids to have healthy and rewarding lives.  Teaching them about sex is an important aspect of helping them live a healthy life.  But for many of us its hard to talk about sex - especially with our own children. 

At the CHSC, we have many resources and workshops that can help you feel more comfortable with talking to your kids about sex.  And in the meantime, here are a few tips:

1. Start early.  Its best to begin as soon as they're born.  Start with basic knowledge such as learning the proper names of their body parts. Knowing their body and being comfortable talking about their body is an important first step.

2. All babies anc children explore their bodies. This is a natural and normal part of development. If we yell at them or slap their hands, they'll do it anyway - but they'll feel guilty about it. And they may learn to not trust us later in life when they're looking for guidance about other things.

3. When your 3-year-old asks "Where do babies come from?", you can keep your answers simple for now.  You could say something like "Babies grow in a special place inside the mother."  As the years, pass, you can add other details.

4. Kids aged 5 - 7 may be shy about asking questions, but they likely still have them! Find opportunities to ask them questions - maybe its asking them what they think about something you see on TV, or talking about a family friend who is pregnant. Have books on hand that you can read together to help you talk about sex.

5. Most preteens aged 8 - 12 are ready to know about sex and reproduction. They need to know about the signs of puberty and the changes that will happen to their bodies as they grow up. And they need to know how to keep themselves healthy and safe.  Keep the conversations going - find moments to spend time alone with them and talk.  Get books and pamphlets that you can read together, or that they can read on their own and then talk with you after.

6. Teens aged 13 - 18 need to learn how to say "no" and to understand what "safer sex" is. They need to know how to have relationships with other people without getting hurt, or without hurting other people.  You could ask questions such as "Are you being pressured to have sex?", "Do you know how to protect yourself from pregnancy and infections?", "How will you tell them what your limits are?".

For more help with talking to your kids about sex, give us a call at 403-283-5580 or visit us online at http://www.calgarysexualhealth.ca/what_do_i_say.html.

And for a light-hearted look at having "The Talk", check out this hilarious video of Julia Sweeney describing one such experience with her 8 year old daughter.

Pam Krause, Executive Director, reflects on the year so far

Each year, we write to supporters of the Calgary Sexual Health Centre to let you know about the great work going on here. 

When I reflect at the end of each year on what we’ve managed to achieve, I’m amazed. I’m equally amazed at how the need for our work continues to change and grow. Our ability to meet this continued demand in our community is dependent on the support of people like you. 

Just some ways we answered our community’s needs last year in 2010 included:

24,415 Junior and Senior High School students experienced our comprehensive sexual health education program

76 Junior High boys took part in our WiseGuyz program, developed to specifically meet their unique needs

1989 professionals participated in workshops put on by our Training Centre and took their acquired skills back to countless clients

1,924 marginalized youth got the information they needed on sexual and reproductive health

307 individual clients received counselling on a variety of sexual health issues

We truly reach a staggering amount of people with a small but dedicated team of professionals. In a time where we see public funding shrinking for essential organizations like ours, we really do rely on support from the community to help us continue to provide these outstanding services.

We thank you all for your continued support to help us inform, educate, and advocate for our community’s sexual health needs.   

Older Adults and Sexuality...Digital Stories now available on DVD

From the beginning of this work, we knew that sexuality and older adults was a topic few felt comfortable addressing.

The Seniors a GOGO project tackled this challenge by developing and performing the “Viva Vintage Monologues”, a series of stories that explore sexuality in the later years. The monologues focus on the depth of sexuality in a humorous, warm and thoughtful way.

The Seniors a GOGO digital stories
can be viewed on our Facebook page.

This led to very successful performances by the Seniors a GOGO theatre troupe at public libraries, and other venues throughout Calgary.  

Members of the Seniors a GOGO theatre troupe continue to be agency volunteers and still perform for live audiences.

The Viva Vintage Monologues were also made into digital stories to enable us to use them in future programs and training.

We are now selling a curriculum package for service providers that includes a DVD of the digital stories. We also continue to offer ongoing training to students and professionals who work with older adults.

To request a curriculum package or for information about our training options, please contact us at 403-283-5580 or visit us at http://www.calgarysexualhealth.ca/.

Hawthorn and the Third Road

The Harvest Moon shines brightly as you wander through the mist to the Hawthorn on the ridge above the river bank.

In May her flowers seduced you with an otherworldly perfume, heavy with the scent of sex -- and death.

Now, in the last days of summer, she is heavy with fruit that bends toward the earth where it will break open and decay, leaving the seed to wait in darkness for sun and rain to return in spring.

The old stories tell us that when the world became overrun by men who wielded swords and cut the earth with iron ploughs, the people who taught our ancestors to sing the songs that called the fruit trees to blossom disappeared beneath the hills. At the gateways to their world they planted Hawthorns to tangle and repel the brutish and unwary, but nourish the hearts of those who grieved for lost worlds.

Thomas the Rhymer fell asleep beneath such a tree and woke to find the Queen of Elfland who showed him three roads he might travel -- each road corresponding to another way of being in the world:

"O see ye not that narrow road,
So thick beset with thorns and briers?
That is the path of righteousness,
Tho after it but few enquires."

The road to righteousness is the road laid out by the rules and laws of civilization -- rules that bind instinct with tangled thorns and briers that threaten to cut all who would deviate from the path. It is marked by the logical consciousness that is centered in the brain -- the consciousness that divides the world into categories that mark clear lines between what is right and true and acceptable and what is "beyond the pale." Its origins lie in the construction of the first walls that separated the city from the "wilderness" -- the name people gave to the living world around them when they began to forget they drew their life from it.

"And see not ye that braid braid road,
That lies across that lily leven?
That is the path to wickedness, Tho some call it the road to heaven."

The road of wickedness is the road of instinct uncoupled from any sense of consequence -- a sense that arose organically when people experienced themselves as inextricably woven into webs of human and ecological connection. With disconnection came alienation, and with alienation came unassuageable hunger and insatiable lust that rip and tear at the fabric of being. The road appears broad and easy because all sense of limitation is lost, it appears to lead to heaven because its the path of following unchecked desire, but it leads further and further from the source of being and life that offers the only true fulfillment of those desires.

Rather than bringing satiety, this path that disconnects us from the heart, brings agitation that can grow into panic as people desperately seek pleasure to take the edge off their feeling of emptiness, and as each moment of pleasure fades find themselves feeling the emptiness more acutely, more frantically seeking to stave off the gnawing feeling inside them. The true destination of this path is the realm of the hungry ghosts who have mouths but no stomachs and so eat and eat but are never full.

"And see not ye that bonny road,
That winds about the fernie brae?
That is the road to fair Elfland,
Where thou and I this night maun gae."

The third road -- leading from the Hawthorn -- is the path of the heart. Its a path that leads to a wilder place, a place outside all ideas and judgements of right and wrong, good and evil, a place beyond and beneath and before the stories of guilt, fear, and shame we all carry. A place of wild innocence, where you can re-member your connection to the world around you, and your desires arise from your response to its unspeakable beauty.

The Chinese traditionally taught that the heart is an earthen vessel that holds the Shen -- the individual spirit.

When the heart becomes agitated, the Shen becomes disturbed -- leading to restlessness, anxiety, and insomnia.

Hawthorn nourishes and calms the heart, helping to settle the Shen. At the same time, her thorns offer protection from those who would harm you. Calm and protected, you can breathe into the center of your chest, opening to the core of your being.

Standing in that stillness and openness, the third road opens to you -- leading you deep within where you come into contact with the part of you that remains connected with All Things and experience pure ecstasy.

Thomas followed that road and disappeared from civilization for seven years. He returned with the blessing and the curse of the "tongue that could not lie." He was no longer able to participate in the lies of politics and commerce that are necessary to operate within he framework of society. But he was also no longer able to lie to himself, no longer able to deny his own beauty and power. The luminosity of the other world shone from his eyes. Its music flowed from his lips.

Tonight the Queen of Elfland stands again beneath the Hawthorn. She points to three roads.

Which one will you choose?

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Deep gratitude to Paul Bergner, Stephen Harrod Buhner, and Karina B. Heart for their teachings about the heart, which inform and infuse these words.

Wanna talk? We're here for you.

We're good at keeping secrets.  Maybe too good. 


We're generally known in the community for the outreach and education services we provide.  But its not as well known in the broader community that we also offer one-on-one confidential counselling.

Last year we provided counselling services to 307 individuals, offering confidential information, support, and referrals on a diverse range of sexual health issues. 

Our counsellors offer support and information on sexually transmitted infections, sexual orientation and gender identity, birth control options, pregnancy options, sexuality and disability, and many other health issues.  For our counsellors, each one-on-one counselling session with a client can require hours of prep and research to ensure the client is supported.

We support Calgarians of all ages, providing access to sexual health information across the life span:

- 41% of our counselling clients last year were aged 10-19
- 36% were aged 20-29
- 12% were aged 30-39
- 5% were aged 41-60
- and 6% did not disclose their age

Need to talk?  Got questions?  We're here for you when you're ready.

Phone:  403-283-5580
Web:  http://www.calgarysexualhealth.ca/

School's back! And so are we!

With summer holidays behind us and a new school year underway, we are looking forward to another great year of providing our comprehensive sexual health education program to classrooms across Calgary!

Our school-based sex ed program works within the Alberta Education curriculum, and has been a recommended resource of the Calgary Board of Education since 1975.

We offer education programs to inform, motivate and help youth make health choices about their sexuality.  Last year, we offered programs at 23 junior and senior high schools, reaching 24,415 students in Calgary and the surrounding areas.

We've seen some great results through surveys in the classrooms:

• 75% identified they now have knowledge of sexual health issues such as pregnancy prevention, sexually transmitted infections, and condom use.
• 63% identified they now have an understanding of diverse sexual orientations and the impact of homophobia.
• 81% identified they now have confidence in making sexual health decision.

These results are encouraging. But perhaps even more inspiring for us is when we receive comments like this:

"The program motivated one student to have a very serious sit down conversation with her mother about her choices, and that she wanted her mother to go to the Dr with her.  They really had not spoken in years.  This is what education should be."
- CALM Teacher

Here's to another great year ahead of informing our city's youth about healthy choices, and providing them with the tools to achieve sexual well-being.

If you are a teacher and would like more information about our school-based programs, please contact us at 403-283-5580 or generalmail@calgarysexualhealth.ca.

Is Herbalism in Danger of being Outlawed?

European regulations on herbal commerce. Codex Alimentarius. FDA rules on "Good Manufacturing Practices" for herbal products.

It seems like every few weeks I am reading about a law or regulatory regime that opponents fear will mean the end of herbalism as we know it.

Some of these threats have a degree of reality to them -- the "Good Manufacturing Practices" regulations, for example, have caused some small tincture makers to go out of business and created significant problems for others. (Paul Bergner has a great article giving a balanced view of these regulations in the current issue of Plant Healer Magazine.) Others are largely overblown -- I have yet to read any convincing evidence that Codex Alimentarius actually threatens anyone's attempts to sell herbal products.

But none of them actually threaten to stamp out herbalism -- because stamping out herbalism is impossible.

What they do threaten to do is make it more difficult for companies that sell herbal products to do business. And certainly this is a real problem. I'm not in favor of any kind of government regulation of herbs prepared in traditional ways (though I would love to see supplement companies required to disclose whether they use toxic solvents in extracting plant constituents like Quercetin!) And most herb companies make a tremendous contribution to the herbal community through education, through support of conferences like the Traditions in Western Herbalism Conference and organizations like United Plant Savers, and by providing practitioners and the general public with high quality, sustainably grown and harvested herbs.

But if all the herb companies in the country were shut down by government edict tomorrow, herbalism would not die.

People would continue growing herbs in their backyards and carefully and respectfully gathering herbs from the forests, fields, mountains, deserts, and swamps around them. They would continue giving Elderberry syrup to sick children and Chaga decoctions to people with cancer. And the people in each community who devoted their lives to working with plants would continue to share their knowledge with people who wanted to learn and to help people who were sick and in pain just as they always have.

Paul Bergner points out that the jailing of herbalists like Nicholas Culpepper and Samuel Thomson failed to break their spirits or keep others from continuing their work.

And if you want to look at how successful governments have been in outlawing plants take a look at Cannabis or Poppies or Coca.

To me the core of herbalism is about helping people take their health in their own hands and connecting them with the living world around them by spreading knowledge about plants and about the workings of the human body. And the approaches to herbalism that excite me most are those that involve people working with plants that grow in their own bioregion -- something I am increasingly trying to do in my own practice, though I will likely always still work with a few beloved allies that can't grow where I live.

In this society, such ideas and practices are somewhat subversive. And I don't think we can expect a society so based on domination and control to make it easier for us to teach self reliance and mutual aid. But I also think its important to remember that no system of government, no matter how totalitarian, has ever succeeded in preventing people from healing themselves and each other with plants.

And as long as people are working with plants as medicine, herbalism will be alive and well.